its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
