I must be too annoying 4 u.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
