best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
