Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
