I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
