Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
