I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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