Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
