i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
