Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
