Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
