New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
