Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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