This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
