I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
