Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
