So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
