How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
