Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
