in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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