What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
