hotel room ftw
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
