Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
