I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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