so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
