let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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