I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
