I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
