holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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