That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
