google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
