Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
