please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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