You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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