I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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