o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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