i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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