Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
