What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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