she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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