I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
