Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
