hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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