I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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