I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
