Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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