you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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