someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We left the knife in your bed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
