I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
