I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
