Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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