my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
