Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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