i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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