i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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