My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
