I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
