Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
