I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
