This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
