Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
