you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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