dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She tied me up with her honor cords...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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