Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My pussy is not your playground.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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