Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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