You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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