you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
