I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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