He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
