therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
